


A Lobster Love Story

by Pear



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: F/M, Lobsters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-22
Updated: 2012-12-22
Packaged: 2017-11-22 01:29:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/604320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pear/pseuds/Pear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A romance between Teutron and Scarlett under the sea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Lobster Love Story

**Author's Note:**

> A very special Christmas present for my favorite Norwegian. He requested a story involving lobsters.

(Lobsters have their own language. It has an unusual set of vowels almost impossible to pronounce if you were not born a lobster. It’s even harder to write. So for the sake of sanity all lobster names will be rendered in a loose English translation.)

In the cold northern seas, deep beneath the waves, lobsters live. They have whole, complex, varied lives there. In the world of lobsters, as with men, there is love and death and tragedy and glory. Lobsters make great art and fight wars and raise little lobster children in the shadowed places at the bottom of the ocean.

Once upon a time, there was a young lobster named Teutron. He was a lobster of an especially artistic bent and dreamed of making great epics. Like most great artists, he only had one name. 

Teutron achieved some notoriety and fame in the lobster art scene with his daring works. It didn't pay very much, but it did get him invites to some very swank parties. It was at one of these parties, held in a shimmering stone cave lit up by bio luminescent fish, that he first met Scarlett.

There was something about her. She didn't look terribly different from the lobsters around her. A bit brighter in color perhaps, just a little more graceful. But to Teutron, she was the only lobster in the room. She was perfect. He couldn't bear to look away. Her eye stalks waved gracefully and her claws gleamed under the lights. He sighed, thinking a lobster like her would never notice him. That was okay. Teutron was used to being on his own.

He was surprised when someone tapped him on the tail later and he discovered the incomparable Scarlett standing there. 

“I thought you might like a drink,” she said. He stared at her for a moment before he remembered his manners.”

“Thank you,” he said, accepting the champagne. 

“So you’re an artist?” Scarlett asked, settling herself next to him. 

“How did you know that?” 

“Oh you’re getting pretty famous from what I hear.”

“Well they really should start paying me more if that’s the case,” Teutron snarked. Scarlett laughed. They spent quite a while talking until Teutron made his excuses to leave. It wasn't until the next day when she called to invite him out for lunch that he realized Scarlett had been flirting with him that entire time. That first lunch lasted until midnight. Neither of them wanted to leave, and there were always more things to talk about. Scarlett told stories about misadventures on movie sets and the perils of acting. 

When they were not working on their movies or art, they spent all their free time together. It was on a long romantic walk on the seafloor that Teutron and Scarlett became trapped in the terrible cage of a lobster trap. Before they even got over the shock and surprise of it, the pot was swiftly drawn up to a fishing boat on the surface. 

After a terrible journey, crammed in with numerous other frightened and angry lobsters, Scarlett and Teutron found themselves tossed into a brightly lit tank with several other lobsters. The tank stood in the dining room at a fancy midtown restaurant. Teutron stood uncertainly on the bright blue gravel, between some fake plants.

“This looks pretty bad,” Teutron said in a grim voice. Scarlett looked around in horror. Everyone heard stories about places like this, but she had never imagined ending up in one herself. The world beyond the glass walls was indistinct and strange. She banged a futile protest on the wall, her major claws bound with some tight elastic band.

For a few days, they huddled with the other strange lobsters in the tank. But soon everyone realized that there was no food and that’s when the situation turned nightmarish. Lobsters eyed each other uncertainly, hungrily and soon fights began to break out. Teutron and Scarlett were better off, a bit larger than the others and so they retreated to a rocky alcove on the far end of the tank where they huddled together. Two more days passed in the strange static tank. Sometimes lobsters were lifted out in nets, carried away into the bright light overhead. Sometimes new lobsters were dropped into the tank, disoriented and frightened fellows. Fights broke out, and the other lobsters engaged in vicious cannibalism. 

“We’re going to die in here, aren't we?” Scarlett asked one day. Teutron looked at her sideways. 

“Probably,” he said a bit sadly.

“At least we got to spend our last days together.” Scarlett and Teutron huddled together and talked for a long time about all their plans and dreams. They imagined their long lives, raising children and creating family traditions in a lovely home at the bottom of the deep blue ocean. They argued about names, pets and whose parents they would visit on holidays. They discussed the elaborate anniversary dinners and vacations they would take, the movies Scarlett would make and the artist projects Teutron would undertake. They talked all night and through the next day, long enough for the lights to go out and come back up. So when the net descended and scooped them both up, it didn't come as a shock.

“I love you Teutron,” said Scarlett as they were born up into the bright light and out of the water.

“I know,” Teutron responded.

*****

A waiter carried two plates of the day’s special surf and turf straight from the chefs to a prime table in the grand, spacious dining room. With great care he set them in front of the man and woman and then vanished discretely into the restaurant. Quiet music mingled with the sounds of heavy silverware and fine china and the low rumble of conversations. 

“I feel like this was just meant to be,” the blonde woman said. She set her wine glass down on the table and laid her napkin over her lap to protect the expensive Dior dress she wore. 

“I know exactly what you mean,” agreed her dining companion as he sliced into the lobster on his plate. They smiled at each other. 

Across the room, a waiter took surreptitious pictures on his cell phone, and placed a couple calls to some people who tipped him well for updates on who occupied the best seats in the restaurant. By the time they finished dinner, some paparazzi were lurking near the valets. Pictures of famous actresses always sold, especially when they were on dates with handsome strangers. 

“Scarlett, Scarlett! Who are you having dinner with?” One young photographer shouted his questions even after they were ushered swiftly into the black town car.

“Those people are ridiculous,” Teutron remarked with some asperity, even as he watched with some amazement as the photographers swarmed the car. He was used to being internet famous, not regular life famous. No one had ever chased him around trying to take his picture before.

“Just ignore them, sweetheart.” Scarlett Johansson leaned her head on his shoulder and instructed the driver to take them home.


End file.
